No Rest for the Wicked

This week was hell. Everything seemed to go wrong. Stress was compounded. Work was hell. Life got rough. My dad ended up in the hospital after having a stroke and was there for several days.

My stress was high, mood was low, workouts suffered. Diet suffered. I relaxed and I paid.

I didn’t want to stress myself out more by not being able to get my workouts in. Sleeping in, working through lunch, short staffed, feeling ill (last thing I needed was that tickle in my throat turning into something more!) mess dinner. Shit happens.

I wish I had pushed myself through. Made time for the workouts when I could.

Last night we were to go out to my coworkers campsite to sit around the fire. I hated myself for this week. No, I’m not where I want to be- especially with wanting to compete in 6 months! I don’t necessarily hate where I am- but it was the fact I made all sorts of excuses to eat crap, not exercise and it made a noticeable difference in how I looked and felt. I couldn’t get on anything comfortably and I felt an overwhelming disappointment in myself.

Even today… I went to VV Boutique and got a pair of jeans that fit- and are even a little loose. With looking at putting my motorcycle on the road this weekend, I couldn’t help but wonder what I was to wear when I ride since my riding pants don’t fit!

It sucks!

It made me realize I will ALWAYS be diligent in my diet and eating clean, and I’ll always have to exercise. Yes, I might be able to have a celebratory meal every now and then… but not often!

It sucks! I get tired- I need a break- but if I do, I’ll have to be prepared with the consequences!

Next week will be better!

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but you said…

When I came out that I was going to compete again, my coworker looked at me and said “but you said you weren’t going to compete again because it’s unhealthy for you”…

…Yes, I did say that. Having been 215+ lbs makes it difficult for me to lose the weight and it’s so hard to keep it off, I usually just give up. I HAVE to continue to eat clean, and I HAVE to work out! I can’t take a break (other than my usual “refeed” day on the weekend, and my regular breaks from training) but other than that, I HAVE to maintain my competition habits, and to be honest, it’s exhausting!

I think I was telling others and myself that it’s too unhealthy as an excuse as, in reality, when is working out regularly and eating healthy UNhealthy?

Even right now, I COULD have that cookie or piece of cake, but THAT is more unhealthy than denying myself! Processed food and high sugar/fatty snacks is very damaging to yourself physically, psychologically, and emotionally! Yes, I would get pleasure initially, but then the bloating, migraines, and negative thoughts would happen!

And, yes, competing CAN be unhealthy… but doing it over a period of time instead of crash dieting and over-exercising is what makes it healthy…er! I am not spending any more time in the gym than I have been. Yes, I go to bed a little earlier than my husband so I can get up early, but any extra “cardio” (aka, sitting on the bike and peddling just enough to raise the heart rate) in the evening, I’d ordinarily just be lounging around the house watching TV!

And this year I’m not planning on rebounding but maintaining my habits in the “off season”!

Slow and steady…

I am not the most patient person… anyone who truly knows me knows I hate waiting for things. I tend to want things right NOW! I know that when it comes to getting healthy, it’s best to do things slow and steady to maintain, not only the results, but the habits.

I’ve pretty much been abusing my body for 1 1/2 years… military was not kind on my body. I can’t expect to be back in my old shape overnight… but I can’t help it!

I can’t jump into the old weights I used to lift unless I want to hurt myself and/or become a cripple. But I KNOW I’m getting stronger.

I can’t expect to get into my old clothes from a couple years ago, but things are getting easier to pull on and off.

I can’t overlook these small wins. If I do, I’ll hate my body on this road- and this time I want the results and habits to stick! I don’t want to compete as a reason to get in shape… I want to compete so I constantly challenge myself and improve my physique! If I spend the months leading up to competition, I’ll only ever get back to where I was at the last competition and not improve. Yes, there will be improvements- but not like there would be if I remained closer to where I should be!

I’m trying to do it right this time… I just don’t want to wait!

But I will… I will exercise my patience as much as my muscles!

SO HUNGRY!!!!

I forgot to pack a protein shake this morning, so when I got finished at the gym, I was SO hungry I ate my lunch sooner than I would have normally. And because of some timing stuff, I had about 5 hours between meals (with the exception of munching on some carrots during the afternoon)

I think I better put on some clothes, hop on my bike, and do some light cardio before I raid the fridge!!!

Impatience

A week ago I did my Force Fit test (and passed) and have eaten really well and worked out consistently (during the week) since… so why don’t I have a nice perky ass, rippling abs, and nice toned arms, dammit?!

I hate the waiting period between the start of working out and noticing a difference. I’m certain I can see changes- it’s hard not to when I was so bloated while being sick I could barely do up my uniform! I can see my midriff is flatter… but not necessarily smaller- I guess I should take measurements so I have some way to track progress!

Yes, I have a scale, no I don’t use it- my hubby hid it, but I also don’t care! As long as I like how I look (which I do) and I FEEL good, then I don’t care about the scale… which is also why I haven’t rushed to find the measuring tape and take my measurements.

I just wish I could fast forward to the part where I get compliments and obvious improvements- cause nothing is more motivational that people seeing the changes!

Impatient to get started!

Well, talk, talk, talk! No action… and I am SO impatient to get started, but the delay can’t be helped. I still feel like I’m recovering from having the plague a couple weeks back- having intermittent migraines, and now I have my Force Fit test for work on Wednesday- so I’m resting up for that.

I know myself. I’ll push myself to the point that DOMS will impede my performance for my test. Plus it’s been so long since I’ve consistently worked out, being sore is a gimme… at least I’m planning on competing in bikini, so muscle tone is important, but the bulk isn’t there. I’d still like to add muscle in my shoulders for balance, but for the most part I’ll be working out to maintain the muscle I have- maybe build the glute/hamstring tie-in a bit more, but more to lose the fat.

I’ve also talked to the 2ic at work and he has no problem with me adding 30 minutes to my lunch so I’ll be able to do my weight workouts at lunch- I’m super excited about that! I found leaving work an hour early twice a week wasn’t happening. Stuff would come up, whatever- and when I did leave, I’d often just go home (shhh!) instead of the hot yoga like I said I was… It’s all fine and good to go after work, but it’s a matter of GOING.

I find after a full day, I am too exhausted- mentally and physically- to want to go to the gym. Doing it mid day will not only give me a break in the middle of my day, but it’ll give me a decent work out. I had been going to the gym during my lunch for a 20 minute jog- barely gave me enough time to get there, changed, jog, showered, and back to work- often eating my lunch at my desk.

This will be similar- but I’ll be doing my weight workout instead of cardio- which I don’t care for anyhow, but could (barely) stand the 20 minutes I was going for. Actually, I learned to enjoy it. However, I personally feel weights are more important.

I’ll still do SS Cardio in the morning and in the evening until I get down to the weight I want to maintain at until the competition. Then I’ll reduce the cardio- though once I start getting results, I may keep it there so I can have more freedom with diet- especially as I hope to be there by summer!

Diet, as usual, I’m having the hardest time with. I’m trying to get it squeaky clean, but I’m having problems kicking the sugar. Some days I do really well, and others, not so much. As long as I prep and plan, I’m good- gee, go figure! Lol! So it’s just a matter of sticking to the plan! I have a good diet set out for me, so I just need to keep diligent! And, thankfully, hubby (as usual!) has been wonderfully supportive! He’s already said “I’ll do it with you” in regards to diet and has already kept me on track this past weekend. No pizza for this gal! Or alcohol! So that’s good!

I’m so lucky!

Wednesday- that’s when it all begins! Contest prep 2014!!!

What changed?

My husband asked me this morning: “What changed? Between the last competition and now?”

And it occurred to me it was exactly that the problem was- I wasn’t competing. It’s been no secret that my diet and exercise has been suffering since being back from basic training. I’ve tried to get into other things and it simply hasn’t worked. It’s not the same. But I simply haven’t been… into it. And yet, I couldn’t get into forcing myself to go to the gym.

My health has been suffering- emotional, physical… but I finally feel like I’m strong enough to carry on and really start reclaiming it… and compete again…

When my husband asked me that this morning, I realized I did, in fact, want- and need!- to compete again! 35/37 weeks are the 2 competitions I would aim for. I actually got excited again! I started planning my diet…

I’m actually excited to begin! Diet first!